We grew up with food rules, guilt and shame. Our kids don’t have to.

Diet culture is everywhere, often putting people in a perpetual cycle of restricting what they eat to try to lose weight, then indulging after feeling deprived, followed by heaps of guilt and shame — and then repeat. Whether parents realize it or not, those internalized messages many of us picked up while growing up — from unhealthy food rules to body dissatisfaction — can be passed down to our children if we’re not paying attention.

In the fourth episode of their podcast After Bedtime With Big Little Feelings, Big Little Feelings founders Deena Margolin, a child therapist specializing in interpersonal neurobiology, and Kristin Gallant, a parenting coach with a background in maternal and child education, along with Gallant’s husband Tyler, discuss how diet culture shaped their own relationships with food and their bodies and how harmful those negative messages can be.

For Yahoo’s column After After Bedtime, Gallant shares four ways parents can help break the cycle of diet culture and raise kids to have a healthy relationship with food and their bodies.

For many of us, food wasn’t just food — it was rules, guilt, restriction and confusion.

Maybe you grew up watching your parents do SlimFast or Jenny Craig, talk about “cheat days” or cut carbs before vacation.

Maybe you were told to finish your plate, and then told to “watch your attitude” in the same breath.

Maybe you lived in a house where all the “fun food” was off limits, so you snuck it when you could, eating in secret.

Or maybe, like so many, you absorbed the quiet, relentless message: Your body isn’t good enough unless it’s smaller.

For Deena, this turned into an eating disorder. For Kristin, it meant years of hating her bigger body. For Tyler, it was the shame of sneaking “forbidden” foods at friends’ houses.

Diet culture was the air we breathed. And now, we’re trying to raise kids in clean air. But how do you undo decades of conditioning while parenting in real time? Here are four concrete steps you can take.

Step 1: Get clear on the legacy you don’t want to pass down

We were handed a script: Be smaller. Eat less. Look “good.” Don’t take up too much space. Today, we’re writing a new one.

We want our kids to have a relationship with food that’s grounded in trust, joy and respect. We want them to move their bodies because it feels good, not to punish themselves. We want them to know, deep in their bones, that all bodies are good bodies. That starts by recognizing how we were shaped, so we can choose something different.

Step 2: Ditch the shame, keep the structure

You don’t have to throw out nutrition to break up with diet culture. You can serve a variety of foods without labeling them “good” or “bad.” You can offer structure, like set mealtimes and cues that the kitchen is closing, without control or scarcity.

You can also teach kids how different foods help them feel energized, focused and strong — without tying their worth to what’s on their plate.

This isn’t about “perfection.” It’s about consistency, balance and a safe emotional environment around food.

Step 3: Make food about fueling your body

We want our kids to feel confident around food. Not obsessive or ashamed. Just … free. That means:

• Talking about food as fuel. Which foods help us feel strong, full and focused?

• Letting food be fun sometimes, without making it special or off-limits.

• Keeping food neutral. Food isn’t a reward. It’s also not a punishment or a bribe. It’s just food. When the pressure is off, kids learn to listen to their bodies and trust them.

Step 4: Move to create joy, not to make yourself smaller

Let’s teach our kids that movement isn’t about “burning off” anything. It’s about coming home to your body and feeling alive in it. So run because it clears your mind. Dance because it’s fun. Stretch because your body deserves care.

That shift? It’s powerful. It tells our kids: “Your body isn’t a project. It’s a gift.”

Step 5: Make body acceptance the norm in your home

Here’s what we know: Body image isn’t just shaped by what your kids hear; it’s also shaped by what they see. When they see us treating our bodies with respect — feeding them, moving them, resting them — they learn to do the same. When they see us existing in photos, wearing the swimsuit, eating the cake, being present … they learn that worthiness isn’t conditional.

Let’s build homes where all bodies belong. Where the goal isn’t thinness — it’s wholeness.