“I still have no clue what I’m doing.”
That was the first sentence I wrote when my FLORIDA TODAY parenting column, Momsense, was introduced to readers in April 2013. My kids, Kristen and Jacob, were 10 and 6.
I was knee-deep in raising two kids, working full time and trying to maintain some modicum of grace, even in the midst of a divorce. My goal back then was to write about current parenting issues and share honestly about my experience parenting — the ugly parts and all. And to make others laugh and realize they’re not alone.
There were the parties that no one liked to RSVP to, leaving me with loads of leftover birthday cake. The shopping trips that almost escalated into “Code Adams” because someone thought it would be fun to launch into a surprise game of hide and seek at Kohl’s. Toddler faceplants during moments of social discomfort. Dealing with the misery of lice. The sudden calls from your little one in the bathroom, yelling, “Can someone wipe my butt?”
I remember fantasizing about the day I didn’t have to bring a stroller or diaper bag wherever I went. I dreamed of the kids being old enough to hang out for a few hours at home when I went out with friends.
Twelve years later, part of me feels like I still don’t know what I’m doing. Yet I feel this incredible urge to share this journey with those of you starting out or still in the middle of it.
And please listen to me.
Embrace every single moment. Even the tough ones. Because one day, you’ll wish you could go back. You’ll miss sneaking into your tiny baby’s room just to watch her sleep. You’ll even miss dropping your son off at VPK for the first time and praying he won’t think you abandoned him. You’d do anything to have them beg you to read “Goodnight Moon” one more time before bed.
But you can’t.
This parenting thing never ends. It just changes shape. Drastically.
Maybe you’re thinking of starting a family. Or you’re smack0-dab in the middle of child-rearing and not so sure how much longer your patience can last — or if you can continue to survive on four hours of sleep a night.
Our babies grow up. They stop puking on our favorite shirts. Diaper blowouts in the middle of a flight are a thing of the past. They stop begging you for the latest video game. They learn to drive. They figure out what they’re good at. They have their own dreams, goals and plans. And you go from needing to rent a U-Haul every August to shuffle belongings from one college apartment to the next to not really being needed at all.
They say it goes fast. You may not believe it now, but it does.
My daughter just graduated college. My son, high school. And I, apparently, just graduated to the 5-0 club, leaving me wondering about menopause and awaiting a hip replacement in July.
Who am I now? What am I? I’m still figuring that part out.
But I know this for sure — I am one proud mom, even if my role in my kids’ lives has changed. My ex and I have been able to co-parent successfully. And despite living in two households, welcoming a new stepdad and experiencing the grueling pain of losing their amazing bonus mom to breast cancer four years ago, my kids have somehow turned out to be amazing humans. They’ve each found their “thing” – and are excelling at it.
My children even set me straight more than five years ago when I was drinking heavily at nights and on the weekends. I quit after my son begged me to, tears in his eyes.
So, I didn’t just teach them about life. They taught me, too.
Parenting never ends. I have loved these two since the moment they were conceived. I always will. I will never stop worrying about them until I take my last breath.
But that’s the unofficial contract you sign when you become a parent. You pretty much live with a piece of your heart outside of your body.
It’s the hardest job in the world. But the very best one.
As the school year closes and if you’re facing a houseful of bored kids for the next few months, here’s my final piece of Momsense. Take a memorable trip with no set agenda and make some special memories. Laugh every chance you can. Be a sounding board for fellow moms who get it.
And remember this. If you’re about to have a bad parenting moment, it’s perfectly acceptable to lock yourself in your bathroom and scream into a pillow.
Not that I would know.
Paulson is a former FLORIDA TODAY journalist and columnist. You can reach her at [email protected].
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