LA County Fair food

That dream event for a food writer, the L.A. County Fair, starts today at the Pomona Fairplex, and runs through May 26.

What better way to test your palate — and stomach — than scarfing down fried food in all its rainbow variety? So earlier this week, I went to the fairgrounds to attend the media food preview.

I was accompanied by a cadre of local food influencers I recognized from Instagram and TikTok. (Like me, their family members are no doubt asking them if this is really what they do for work.)

We were given goodie bags with various branded L.A. County Fair ephemera, much of which includes the likeness of an anthropomorphized cartoon pig named Thummer, who has been the face of the fair organization since 1948. He looks good for being in his 70s — not a wrinkle on him. (He’s named Thummer because his hoof looks like he’s thumbing a ride).

In addition to the Thummer-themed goodies, the bag contained a white bucket hat. I was instructed to take it to a booth where an airbrush artist would personalize it with my name and a couple of preselected designs. So I dropped it off and was told to pick it up later. More on that soon.

So there we all were on a slightly overcast morning in Pomona, where internet culture and fair culture mixed like a cartoon crossover episode warning about the dangers of taking drugs. Yet, instead of a moral message, my compatriots and I were primarily focused on how many creative angles we could film ourselves stuffing our faces under the best lighting.

I peeled myself off, made a plan for my review of the fairgrounds tasting menu, and set off.

Meatball mozzarella corn dog

Much like the name itself, this was a mouthful. But not in the ways that you’d expect.

My first bite of the battered “dog” was not what I’d hoped — juicy meatball, gooey cheese. Instead, I got a large helping of only slightly melted mozzarella, which felt somewhat disappointing.

I took matters into my own hands, removing the dog from its stick, tearing it apart and searching for the meat as our hunter-gatherer ancestors would have. I was successful. But the meatball lacked any seasoning and couldn’t be rescued, despite numerous dunkings into a side of marinara sauce.

Rating: 1 out of 5

Anaheim chile poppers

Next up was a series of grilled Anaheim chiles, cooked down and dolloped with a queso-like dip, almost bechamel adjacent, similar to what might be found in a homemade macaroni and cheese. It was then sprinkled with crumbled-up bits of hot Cheetos.

I was surprised how much I liked this. Perhaps I was showing my age, but the simple construction of peppers, cheese, and spicy bits worked exceptionally well.

I’m not usually one to go for Hot Cheeto-branded products for fear that it might wreak a certain kind of havoc on my insides, but this particular dish felt decently balanced. (And indeed kept my insides intact).

Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Jerk lobster mac and cheese

Speaking of mac ‘n cheese, it was time for the next dish, which felt like something conjured by Chat GPT when you type “fair food.” To my surprise, this dish with its bookoo flavors managed to walk the line between salty and spicy hot.

The meatiness of the lobster was so prominent that I pondered how many lobsters had lost their limbs for this dish. Despite that passing thought, I continued with more forkfuls, chasing the spice dragon to get my fix, with the flavors releasing just the right amount of dopamine in my brain.

After finally coming to my senses, I found myself extraordinarily thirsty but still feeling like a million bucks, and it was time to find something to drink before I consumed my next dish.

Rating: 3 out 5

Pickle lemonade

Luckily, the good people at Hot Dog on a Stick had me covered. The local chain has been around since 1946 (making it two years older than one Thummer the pig), when it made its debut at Muscle Beach near the Santa Monica Pier.

The chain has built a name for itself slinging corn dogs and lemonade, and we were greeted by a row of employees wearing the iconic red, white, blue and yellow uniforms. This particular day, however, they had a new addition to the menu: pickle lemonade.

To say that I love pickles would be a drastic understatement. My fridge at home contains at least a couple of jars, not to mention the occasional jar of relish.

After taking one sip, it became clear that HDOAS had knocked it out of the park. The fresh, sweet lemonade and the salinity of the pickle brine played off each other exceptionally well. Its flavor combination resembled a fresher version of my preferred Gatorade flavor, Limon Pepino (cucumber lime).

After a couple of sips, though, one thing became abundantly clear: the salt content of the drink left me even more thirsty. Mission definitely not accomplished.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

A break from eating to watch some pig races

I then realized it was time for the pig races, and we made our way over to the small racetrack. A gentleman who owned the pig racing company played an EDM version of Cotton Eyed Joe to hype up the audience, who were about to be inundated with cuteness from the little pigs running as fast as they could.

The hype worked. My fellow internet personalities danced and twerked, filming each other for meme-worthy moments to share with their followers.

After the pig races, we were informed that we would be treated to a special race featuring baby lambs. Let me tell you, if you haven’t witnessed four baby lambs making their way down the racetrack to get to a bottle of milk at the end while Justin Timberlake’s Can’t Stop the Feeling is playing, then you truly haven’t experienced life.

It was then time to pick up my personalized, airbrushed bucket hat. I wandered over to the booth, excited to see “Gab Chabran LAist” as I’d ordered, along with my selected image of a corn dog (because what else), so that I could be the envy of all my friends and co-workers.

Instead, it came with the inscription “Ga LAist.” Sigh. When I went back and asked if I could get another, I was told that was what I had written down (it wasn’t) and that there were no more hats. I wasn’t going to fight over a free airbrushed hat. I accepted my fate as Ga LAist and moved on.

Time for dessert

I went down to the final stand, which advertised Korean Corn Dogs. The Korean-style corn dog offered that day was deep-fried, slathered with condensed milk, and topped with Fruity Pebbles.

I felt myself fill with childlike excitement, as if the entire day’s events had been leading up to this, misnamed bucket hats be damned.

I took my first bite and found cheese — a surprising amount, which buried the hot dog underneath. Truthfully, although cheese is sometimes a feature of K-dogs, it’s not something I usually order, so it caught me a little off guard.

Rating: 1 out of 5

Where’s the antacid?

At that point, it was time to hit the brakes. The oversaturated, condensed milk corn dog batter had stolen a little bit of my soul, and it was time to call it a day.

I knew that I’d had my fill of cheese, fried food, and general county fair overstimulation, and I should call it while I still had a modicum of dignity.

I felt fine after consuming everything I did that day, I attribute that to having a strong stomach (knock on wood).

That being said, I’m glad the county fair only comes around once a year, so I don’t have to subject myself to this type of abuse regularly.

Ga LAist out.