Dear Annie: I read with interest your response to the mother whose spouse undermines her authority in front of their 6-year-old daughter. As a mother, foster parent and now a grandmother, I’ve seen firsthand how damaging it can be when parents don’t present a united front.
Every time one parent undercuts the other, they chip away at that parent’s authority — and they teach the child to manipulate the divide. This behavior may seem minor now, but trust me, it sets the stage for chaos during the teen years. Children need consistent rules and consequences to feel secure and respected, and undermining those efforts only breeds confusion and disrespect.
I’ve watched this play out in my own family, and it breaks my heart. One parent holds the line, the other gives in — and the children have learned exactly how to exploit the inconsistency. Now there’s talk of divorce, and the kids are struggling at home and in school.
Why don’t more parents understand that being on the same page isn’t just good parenting — it’s essential? And how can they learn to work as a team before the damage is done? — Worried for the Next Generation
Dear Worried: You’re absolutely right. When parents undermine each other, the child does not win; they lose structure, security and respect for both parents. Kids are smart. If there’s a weak link, they’ll find it — and exploit it. Parenting isn’t a popularity contest. It’s a partnership. And if these two don’t get on the same page soon, they’ll end up raising a child who plays them both like a fiddle.
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