Do people lose friends when they become parents? One not-yet-dad has concerns.
“This is a very real thing,” Brennan Fisher, 24, who does not have children, tells TODAY.com.
“I feel like a lot of parents don’t have friends,” Fisher said in a TikTok video. “I don’t know if you guys have noticed this but growing up, a lot of the adults in my life, especially the parents, it just didn’t seem like they hung out with people all that often. Their life was pretty much just their kids and work.”
Fisher says that won’t happen when he becomes a dad.
“Me personally, I plan to have friends,” Fisher said in the video. “I don’t know what that’s about. Why are we abandoning our friends when we get old? I get it, it gets hard: You’ve got a family, you’ve got a job, you’ve got bills, you’ve got things that you’ve got to take care of, OK. But you’ve got to take care of your friends. You’ve got to take care of your social life and I hope that it’s not a generational thing and when you get older that just happens. I would not like that to happen.”
Parents spoke up quickly in Fisher’s comment section.
- “Give us an update when you get married and have kids.”
- “I think you just don’t understand the level of exhaustion until you experience it yourself.”
- “Can’t do spontaneous activities. Babysitting is expensive. I’m a very social dad but it’s maybe 20% what it was before kids.”
- “YOU plan to have friends. Do your FRIENDS plan to be friends with a parent? Your life changes drastically in the best-case scenarios. Is the event kid-friendly? Do you have childcare?”
- “My parents had very rich social lives because community was bigger back then, so childcare was super accessible.”
- “My friends abandoned me when I had kids. I had to get new ones.”
- “The society we live in is not built for parents to have friends.”
- “Your family comes first. Friendships have to take a backseat.”
- “Being a single parent, working 10+ hours a day at a physically demanding job, taking care of the house and kiddo, stressing over literally everything and only having two days to get caught up.”
Fisher tells TODAY.com he is the youngest of five siblings.
“I love being an uncle,” Fisher says, adding, “A decent amount of people in my extended circle also have kids, mostly babies and toddlers.”
According to Fisher, he hasn’t lost any friends to parenthood, but rather, their “season of friendship” has changed. Friends with kids, he points out, usually can’t make spontaneous plans and their choice of conversations is usually child-centered.
“If your friends have kids, it’s not always easy to keep up with them — those people suddenly gravitate toward other people who have kids, rather than their original friend group,” says Fisher.
Do friendships change with parenthood?
“Friendships often shift significantly when someone becomes a parent,” Francyne Zeltser, clinical director of Mental Health & Testing Services at Manhattan Psychology Group, tells TODAY.com in an email.
According to Zeltser, socializing is a more structured pastime for parents.
“It tends to become less spontaneous and either more centered around child-friendly environments or limited to shorter, adult-only windows — which can naturally create distance from friends who aren’t in the same life stage,” she says.
Keeping friendships going, says Zeltser, “requires mutual effort, flexibility, and empathy.”
She adds, “For parents, it helps to be upfront about your expectations and limitations without withdrawing altogether. Invite friends into your new world — whether that means meeting at a playground instead of a bar, catching up during a stroller walk, or heading to a family-friendly restaurant that also serves cocktails.”
Zeltser encourages people without kids to take changes in the friendship in stride.
“Reach out, check in, and be open to new formats of connection,” she says. “A friend’s unavailability doesn’t signal disinterest — it’s often a reflection of bandwidth. Adapting together helps friendships evolve.”
Fisher agrees that each person should protect their friendship.
“The person without children should recognize that life is more busy and difficult for parents,” he says, adding that parents can acknowledge any opportunities for connection.
“The key is recognizing that both people may need to recalibrate expectations — and that’s perfectly OK.”
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