For a new feature, Prudence asks readers for their thoughts on the letters she’s received. Her reply will be available every Friday only for Slate Plus members. Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

Hey Prudence,

Your response to “At a Fork in the Road” missed one major thing; it’s possible the pro-life letter was unsolicited and unwelcome junk mail that had not made it into the trash.

My physical and email address have been sold to groups and organizations I would not purposely contact. It’s possible the same for the family of the child Fork in the Road babysits. Like your barrage of questions to the girlfriend, I would ask similar of this family; is there any indication other than the one envelope that the family has strong pro-life beliefs, or other “deal breaking” political opinions? Have they made comments or asked for his opinions in this matter? Is there anything else the letter writer has uncovered that would confirm that this one letter is not an aberration but a significant indictor of their beliefs? And to take the devil’s advocate view point in the matter, he could see his purpose as taking the money that would otherwise go to a pro-life cause and spending it on a pro-choice organization. Certainly in these trying times, the donation would be most appreciated and useful.

—I Remain

Hey Prudence,

The writer doesn’t know why the family received mail from this pro-life organization. It’s possible that they donated money in the past, sure, but the organization could be sending out random solicitations for funds. Or the family could have a pro-life relative who signed them up for this mailing list to troll them! (I had a cousin who signed me up for a bunch of email lists for this reason, so I’m sympathetic.) Before ending the relationship with this family, I’d encourage the writer to seek more information about their actual beliefs.

—Hold the Fork

Hey Prudence, 

The letter writer, At a Fork in the Road, either did not give added context or jumped to a big conclusion. A letter at the top of the pile? Was it incoming or outgoing? There’s more than one reason to return a letter (if that is the case) that doesn’t necessarily involve donating to organizations. For all he knows, they returned it to sender with a letter inside outlining their opposition to said organization, and asking to be taken off of their mailing list. Although the writer may be right, this is a bit of a leap. While I agree that we all have a hand in fighting the current political environment, disinformation is a problem for both sides.

—Chill

Damn it. All of you are right. I was so eager to address the potential clash in values that I skipped over the details and answered the letter as if the babysitting clients had a big pro-choice banner covering their roof. They totally didn’t. It’s such a good point that the letter could have been unsolicited, and I hate that I missed it. I just, within the past two hours, deleted an email I received to my personal account, pitching an “expert’s” anti-trans talking points. I thought, “How did I get signed up for this?” but only very briefly, because people get signed up for stuff they don’t want and materials they don’t agree with all the time.

I’m sure these people also had a flyer for gutter cleaning in the mail pile, and I wouldn’t have assumed that they had already hired the company. I agree that the letter writer should do a little more digging, even if that digging mostly takes the form of observing and listening. I’m of the belief that regressive beliefs rarely exist in isolation, so the letter writer should be on the lookout for other comments that might suggest a different worldview: “So happy they’re tearing down that homeless encampment downtown!” “It’s a great idea to deport people who haven’t committed any crimes if they seem like bad guys!” “The boys are grounded because they painted their toenails, and that’s for girls.” It just probably won’t be in writing like it was in my embarrassing misread of the letter!

Hey Prudence, 

Re: the letter from “Doting (Feminist) Daughter“: I’m a daughter too. And a mother. Could it be that the mother has linked her identity strongly to being “the one who gives” and has problems accepting that the roles may be changing? My mother was like that: very generous (although there were quite often strings attached) but never gracious about receiving, because it disturbed her sense of having the upper hand. She was unable to simply receive a gift, or a favor, say something appreciative and look happy about it. As a result, I’ve always made a point of thanking and showing appreciation for gifts, great and small, to my taste or less so—especially from my children.

—Also a (Feminist) Daughter

Hey Prudence, 

When it comes to the letter from “Doting Feminist Daughter,” you’ve missed a possible explanation of the mother’s behavior that, from my perspective, is the most probable one.

I happen to be an older woman who is naturally very generous—but it’s important to stipulate that in no way do I experience “giving” as transactional. I’m also a woman who is naturally very low-maintenance: I just don’t experience a compelling need to receive positive attention and, probably therefore, I’m not accustomed to receiving much of same. The result is that, on the unusual occasions when I do receive overt positive attention, I feel uncomfortable, shy, and awkward:—largely through my own doing. I literally haven’t had that experience often enough to have evolved a socially appropriate response!

—Exuma Slim

Hey Prudence, 

Re: “Doting (Feminist) Daughter”: I devote a lot of time trying to find the perfect gift, and I am happy when gifts are enthusiastically received. However, from childhood, I was taught “it’s better to give than receive” and was expected to mute my response. I’m 76, I think that was more common in the 1950s, but that may be what’s happening here.

—Peggy

I never would have thought of this, but yes, this is absolutely what could be happening. And if it is, great news! The mom can keep being a giver, and the daughter does not have to spend a month curating the perfect selection of presents and hoping for approval. A win-win.

Classic Prudie

I have been married to my husband for 19 years. We have a good relationship with minimal issues, just one that resurfaces. In the past few years, he reconnected with a girlfriend he had in high school, and they began emailing each other regularly. I sadly found out when I read the emails on a tablet that was left open.