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Dear Care and Feeding,
In the last few years, quite a lot of my friends have had children. I’m 28 and don’t plan to have children, but I like kids and am happy to spend time with my friends’ little ones. Many of my friends’ children are young, so they often bring them along when we meet up, and if I go to their house their kids are, naturally, there. This doesn’t bother me at all—I enjoy seeing them! But there’s one thing they all do that makes me extremely uncomfortable…
Very few of my friends seem to care about meeting up if their child is sick. I seem to constantly be picking up colds, coughs, and flus from the little ones. I am mildly immunocompromised, so it’s likely that I’m more susceptible to picking up illnesses than others, but it’s still frustrating. What’s the etiquette here? Am I wrong to expect that a parent shouldn’t bring their kid out on social dates if they’re sick? Or should I just grin and bear it, and accept that part of having friends with children is sometimes getting those children’s germs?
—Sick, Again
Dear Sick, Again,
Parents of young kids get sick so often that some might not think much of it—it’s easy to forget that not everyone is used to spending all winter with some symptom or other (nor should you have to be!). You should feel totally free to let your friends know that you’d like to minimize your germ exposure. It could be something as simple as: “I’m really looking forward to seeing you all next week! But if anyone is sick, will you let me know and we can reschedule?”
If someone in my family might have a touch of something and we have social plans, I always let the other person know. If the other person doesn’t want to cancel outright, we might still get together, but have the maybe-sick person wear a mask. We’ve definitely avoided getting or passing along germs that way. Asking for a rain check if someone is sick is perfectly reasonable; no one should be super upset with you for not wanting to get sick. Just keep in mind that little kids are constantly picking up germs, so if you cancel every time it happens, that might mean that you see your parent friends a little less often.
—Nicole
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