Dear Annie: My mother-in-law’s guilt trips about my kids are wearing me down

Dear Annie:

My husband and I have two kids under 5, and we both work full-time. As you can imagine, our lives are pretty hectic. My mother-in-law lives about 30 minutes away and expects us to visit her almost every weekend. If we don’t, she lays on the guilt pretty thick — talking about how she “never sees the kids” or implying we don’t value family.

The truth is, we’re just exhausted. Weekends are the only time we get to catch up on rest, housework or just quality time together as a family without having to entertain. We’ve tried inviting her to our house instead, but she always declines and insists we come to her.

I know she means well, and we want her to have a relationship with the kids, but I’m starting to dread the constant pressure. How can we set firmer boundaries without starting a bigger family conflict? — Tired But Trying

Dear Tired But Trying:

If she’s only willing to see you on her terms, you’re under no obligation to accommodate her. You’ve already opened up your home — quite generously, I might add, given how cherished your weekends must be — and she declined.

Instead of enduring her guilt trips every weekend, how about setting a standing date — say, the first Saturday of every month — where you go over to her house with the kids? Let her know that you’d love to see her more, but given your hectic schedule, additional visits will have to be at your place.

Annie Lane’s second anthology — “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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