Parents Are Sharing the Most ‘Unhinged’ Comments People Have Made About Their Kids’ Appearances

What’s the most “unhinged” comment that a stranger made about your child? One mom asked and the answers were astounding.

“Something about commenting on kids’ appearances feels really off,” Jasmine Giachetti, a pregnant mother of two who posed the question, tells TODAY.com.

In a TikTok video, Giachetti, whose children are 3, and 5, wrote, “Tell me the most unhinged thing someone said to you about your child’s looks” — and parents unloaded.

Comments on Giachetti’s TikTok post include:

• “That I should be ashamed to use haircuts as a punishment … my son has alopecia.”
• “I get told my son is very handsome and that I’m probably going to be a young grandma. He’s 3!”
• “My daughter has autism and I’ve had SO many people say, ‘She doesn’t look autistic.’ Like, please explain to me what autism is supposed to look like?!”
• “A medical assistant told me my son has a face only a mother could love.”
• “An older woman told me my twins are absolutely ‘kidnappable.’ What?! Why would you tell me my biggest fear?”
• “People keep saying my baby is a flirt. She is 9 months old.”
• “‘Wow, look at those big ears!’ Random guy in the store. I pushed my hair behind my ears and said, ‘He got ‘em from me.’ The guy got real awkward real fast.”
• “A lady told me I should put my 2-month-old baby on a diet.”
• “‘Wow, your daughter has the body of a hockey player.’”
• “‘Why does your daughter look like that?’ My daughter has special needs and this absolutely broke me. I think my daughter is beautiful.”
• “Not to me but I was in the delivery room with my sister when she gave birth. The baby was born with Down syndrome and a NURSE said the following to her: ‘Ah, too bad. Better luck next time … they can’t all be beauty queens.’”
• “I don’t know if this counts but my daughter was born with a 99th percentile head size and the hospital notes said, ‘Mother also has large head.’”

Giachetti tells TODAY.com that a stranger has never rudely commented on her children, although one relative fondly called her 3-year-old daughter “Fatty” for her fast metabolism and growing appetite.

“This person is from a different generation, where those comments were probably considered ‘OK’ — but I’m sure it made people feel a certain way,” says Giachetti.

Giachetti says she confronted the family member, who stopped the name calling.

What should you do if someone insults your child’s looks?

According to Dr. Deborah Gilboa, family doctor and resilience expert, parents can take action the minute a stranger remarks on their children’s appearances.

“You can look the person right in the eye and kindly say, ‘Nope!’” Gilboa tells TODAY.com. “It defibrillates the conversation and shocks them into a new rhythm without you having been really rude. It’s abrupt and confusing.”

More phrases from Gilboa that don’t send parents into a debate with strangers:

• “We don’t talk about my child’s body.”
• “That’s not an appropriate thing to say.”
• “It’s interesting that you would say that to a stranger.”
• “We don’t know each other this well.”

Gilboa notes that rude comments may come from people who genuinely believe they aren’t offending parents or children. Still, parents should not engage in conversations that are hurtful to their children.

A parent’s response can be a wake-up call for the stranger and shows children the treatment they should not accept, adds Gilboa.

What if your child hears the rude comment?

If your child hears the remark, understands the meaning of it and is hurt, have a talk.

“Reframe it as if it’s about the other person, not about your kid,” says Gilboa. “You do that by asking your child, ‘Why do you think they said that?’”

Parents can explain that maybe the stranger was bored, searching for attention or was reminded of another person, such as a grandchild or a childhood memory.

“It doesn’t matter why if it’s not OK with you,” says Gilboa, “but it’s an interesting thought exercise that stops kids from thinking, ‘What is it about me?’ and instead think, ‘What is it about that person?’”