Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt, 

My beloved husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s five months ago. His mother had it as well. We were her caretakers for years, so this was not a total surprise for us. He has said he wants to live at home. I know that I will not be able to take care of him on my own. (He is much larger than I am.) He has three grown children, my stepchildren. I want to ask them for help when he gets worse. But I’m afraid to ask them.

My stepchildren have never warmed to me. While they love their father, they don’t even ask questions or offer him comfort. Only two of them have jobs even though they are all in their 30s. They have let us know they want our house.

We live on a very limited teacher’s retirement. Someday we may need to sell the house for his care or to move into a smaller home. I don’t want anyone coming after me expecting a non-existent inheritance. My children understand.

Is it wrong of me to ask him to explain our financial situation to his children? He says his children are wonderful and would never behave in a greedy manner after his death. I say we need to get our ducks in a row legally. I think he should address it now. He needs to have that conversation while he is coherent enough that they can’t claim it was the Alzheimer’s doing the deciding.

—Just Trying to Cope

Dear Just Trying,

I’m really sorry for what you and your husband are going through. This is a lot for both of you to process, and I can understand his reluctance to have this conversation. That said, he needs to have this conversation.

Your instincts are correct. Alzheimer’s is different for everyone. It can move very fast, but it can also progress slowly. You should be financially and emotionally prepared for any outcome, so now is the time to figure out what the future will look like: how he’s going to get the care he needs, how you’re going to pay for it, what your budget will look like, and so on.

It sounds like there are a couple of things he needs to talk with his kids about. The first is long-term care. As you know, caring for another human being full-time is incredibly difficult, and it’s understandable that you won’t be able to do it alone. If his kids aren’t willing to help, the sooner you know that, the better. Now is the time to research things like your Medicare coverage, long-term insurance, the cost of private nurses and other in-home care, and so on. All of this can be quite expensive and complicated, so you want to know what you’re dealing with, especially financially.

Which brings us to the issue of inheritance. It’s best to address that issue now, too. It’s easy to believe loved ones won’t fight over money, but grief has a way of kicking up this kind of stuff, and it’s a far more common problem than people think. So, yes, the sooner he can let his kids know what to expect—both in terms of his diagnosis and your financial situation—the better.

Keep encouraging him, but do it with compassion, and it sounds like you already are. It’s not easy to process a diagnosis like this, and he may just want to enjoy not thinking about it while he still can. Try framing the conversation as a way to get ahead of things, which might help ease the pressure. Instead of it feeling like the sky is falling and everything has to change immediately, you can position it as taking small, proactive steps now to make things easier down the road.

It might also help to come up with a simple list of things you can do, like talking points for conversations with the kids, scheduling a meeting with an estate planning attorney, or doing some light research together. Breaking everything down into manageable steps can make it feel far less overwhelming and make it easier for him to engage.

Ultimately, though, you both  need to understand what you’re facing. You both need to plan for the future, and that means you need some clarity about where the kids stand and what your options are. It’s not going to be easy, but the more aligned you are, the less stressful it will be.

Dear Pay Dirt, 

Some good friends pooled their money and bought me an expensive laptop for my birthday. Would it be rude to ask for a receipt in case something goes wrong with it?

—Thrilled, But Thorough

Dear Thrilled, 

I don’t think it’s rude at all to ask for a receipt. In fact, it shows them how much you value the gift. Just make sure they know that’s why you’re asking. Here’s a gentle way to phrase it:

“Thank you again for the laptop, it’s amazing! It was such a generous gift and I’m really grateful for it and for your friendship. I also want to make sure I take care of it. Is there any way you could share a gift receipt or purchase confirmation—something I can use in case I ever need it for warranty or tech support?”

—Kristin

More Money Advice From Slate

My partner grew up poor, while I grew up more middle class. He has always controlled all our finances, and spends hours monthly on budgeting and checking bills, credit cards, etc. I’ve never known anybody who obsesses like this. All income, including gifts, goes to the joint account, and I have to keep receipts for everything I buy, down to a coffee, so he can record and check it. We have a fairly big (but manageable) mortgage, and our child has added many more costs to our lives, but otherwise we’re OK. I was very young when we got together, and I went along because I didn’t know anything else. Recently, I’ve started to hate it.