Book Review: Teachers vs Aliens vs The Kids!

Molly Stubbs 

At what age do we start forcing ourselves through unenjoyable books so we can seem smart? 

Look, I know there are definitely people who, when they say they love dissecting Raskolnikov’s relationship to his mother as a catalyst for the feelings of superiority that lead to the inevitable crime in Crime and Punishment, might actually mean it. And good for them! 

But as much as I would like to be one of those erudite individuals, I find myself trudging through ‘proper books’ for no other reward than bragging rights. Many a time have I looked over longingly to the battered copy of ‘You’re a Bad Man, Mr. Gum’ on my bookshelf and wished I’d get the same approving looks from my peers for re-reading that literary gem. 

So imagine my excitement when an email landed in my inbox to read and review Teachers vs Aliens vs The Kids!, the debut children’s book by Welsh comedian Steve Williams. 

Finally I’d be able to read a kid’s book as an adult, and best of all, nobody could make fun of me for it because it’s my job. Yippee! 

Leading lad

Teachers vs Aliens vs The Kids! follows our leading lad, Finley Swinnerton, as he heads to Little Oak School on the day of a trip to the science museum. 

Finley’s not exactly what you’d expect from the hero of a book about an alien invasion. He’s “quiet and skinny, with messy blond hair that looked like a porcupine snorkelling in custard.” He prefers finding factoids for Finley’s Book of 107 Awesome Facts than doing star jumps in P.E. 

When faced with the boys who pick on him at school, he relies on his kick-ass bezzie mate Lyra to see them off on his behalf. And as Finley tells sports star Lyra, disappointed that he can’t stand up for himself, he’s a brainiac, not a maniac. 

So, what better way is there for Finley to realise that this is in fact his greatest strength than battling a hoard of stationary-eating aliens who invade the school and start freezing all his classmates and teachers in cubes of bogeys? Thus begins Teachers vs Aliens vs The Kids! 

Rebels

The book features very few pages that are solely blocks of text. The layout, replete with wonderfully-detailed illustrations by Ellie O’Shea and post-its filled with Finley’s lists (because if there’s one thing Finley loves more than facts and drawing, it’s making lists), makes the reader feel a little bit like a literary rebel. 

But, at 208 pages, it’s still more than long enough to mark a significant reading achievement for kids aged 6 – 9. Or slightly larger children aged 26 who will definitely be counting it toward their reading goal for this year.  

There are enough chapters to mean that one a night before bedtime will keep little ones busy for a fortnight, but they’re bite-sized enough never to turn reading Teachers vs Aliens vs The Kids! into drudgery.

And there’s even some intrigue as the alien invaders reveal they’re looking for The One, the sworn enemy of their leader who’s currently hiding in the school, using shape-shifting abilities to appear as … a teacher, perhaps? I always knew there was something strange about those coffee-drinking, bad-at-parking weirdos. 

Humour

Having been written by a comedian, it’s no surprise that Teachers vs Aliens vs The Kids! is very funny. Alongside a plethora of refreshingly original puns, there’s a healthy heaping of tried and true bodily-function-based laughs too. 

I, who lost all childlike humour to cynicism as I left my teens, laughed out loud multiple times while reading the book, especially when Finley describes his P.E teacher, Mr Davenport, as having once won a race against his own shadow because he cheated at the last second and started running directly toward the sun. 

With so many out-of-the-box comedic ideas, I was interested as to whether Steve had gotten some guidance from his son, Finley’s namesake, when writing the book. 

Alas, Steve said: “I would say my son is more of an inspiration than a collaborator, as he constantly makes me laugh. Like the time he said he would always love me, even if I got replaced. Or the time we were out gift shopping and he told me his mum liked moustaches but it turned out he meant massages. That could have been a really awkward birthday present – me giving his mum a shaver!

“But then I think that’s the way Welsh people are, we are naturally funny, sideways thinkers.  

“I wrote the book as a surprise for my son, so unfortunately all the ideas came from me. Although I think my wife would very much agree with you, that the ideas still came ‘from the mind of a child.’”

Finley’s love of facts also means readers come away with some great knowledge. For example, did you know (because I didn’t) that Uranus was originally called George? I read that and thought how unlikely it is to be true, and yet it is! Uranus was “named Georgium Sidus, meaning ‘George’s Star,’ after King George III of England.” So, I’m pleased to say that there is much learning, as well as laughs, to be had from Teachers vs Aliens vs The Kids! 

Spoilers

Since only boring old adults like me are going to be reading this review, I’ll give you a few spoilers. But on pain of being frozen in a cube of bogeys do not tell any children about what happens at the end of Teachers vs Aliens vs The Kids! 

Of course, Finley defeats the alien hoard, although he does so not by begrudgingly getting good at athletics and fighting, but by using his intelligence. 

Geeky, fish-finger-shaped Finley is the only kid smart enough to work out each alien’s individual weakness and explode them into globs of goo. He also sacrifices the popularity he’ll get as the school’s superhero in favour of resetting everyone’s memory so the ‘little kids’ don’t have to relive their traumatic day. What a sweetheart. 

There are plenty of very important themes within the story, including ‘empathy, bravery, creativity, friendship, growing up, life changes, and imagination’. But, as the book’s final page states, the main message is that “You can do ANYTHING. And the only person who can stop you is … you.” 

Details

Now, let me make it clear that I’m not recommending this book to my fellow adults. In fact, I’d be grateful if you could keep just how much I enjoyed it to yourself — I still have to keep up appearances around my fellow literary folk after all. 

But I am highly recommending it to any parents of children who’ve struggled to find books they enjoy or can’t get into reading at all, as well as all budding bookworms. The use of humour to convey some pretty important concepts is very well done, and it also imparts what I think to be the most important lesson of all: reading doesn’t have to be a slog! In fact, if you pick the right books, it’s really, really fun. 

Teachers vs Aliens vs The Kids! is published by Farrago and is available from May 15 at all good bookshops. You can also preorder the book here. 

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