A mom insists that her children attend any birthday party to which they’re invited — and she’ll change her family’s schedule to make it work.
“I’m very passionate about this,” Tia Brown, a mom in Arizona, tells TODAY.com.
Brown explained why children’s birthday parties are meaningful in a TikTok video.
“One of the rules in our home is, we show up for everybody and anything that we’re invited to, unless we are out of town or sick,” Brown said in her video. “We go to everything.”
Brown said her son was just invited to the birthday party of a classmate in his Pre-K class, and while the date was tricky — “We’re going to have to move some stuff around” — her son will attend.
“That’s what you do,” Brown said in her video. “That’s what we do in our family. We show up for people, we do the right thing. We celebrate everyone because even though it’s inconvenient for us to go to this birthday party this weekend — and I have to cancel some stuff, move some stuff around — we’re going to do it because kids are important.”
Brown added, “It’s important to show up for everyone, but especially showing up for kids.”
Comments on TikTok generally supported Brown’s “rule.”
- “As the parent of a kid who has had a party that only one friend showed up to, thank you.”
- “We ALWAYS show up. I make awkward chitchat with parents I don’t know for two hours but I don’t care, as long as that child feels loved and my child has a good time.”
- “This is our rule too! You never know when showing up is going to make a big difference.”
- “Thank you for this. My son had one friend show up to his seventh birthday last year and only two this year for his eighth. He didn’t say anything, but I know he noticed.”
- “You just reminded me to RSVP. It’s also at an inconvenient time but it’s the right thing to do.”
Some parents said the choice belongs to their kids.
- “My daughter got invited to a birthday. She is 2. I asked her if she wanted to go and she said, ‘No, he’s not nice.’ We didn’t go.”
- “I struggle with invites when they never responded or acknowledged my kid’s invitation. Normally, I do show up to birthday parties.”
- “Not all the time. I won’t force my kid to go where he feels unwelcome or forced to go because they invited us.”
“I want my kids to include and be a friend to everyone,” Brown, the mother of a 3-year-old and a 5-year-old, tells TODAY.com.
Brown empathizes with children whose friends skip their birthday parties, a pain she says can be felt in adulthood. While Brown recalls her childhood friends attending her yearly parties, she also included all the girls in her class, a gesture that some parents said they appreciated.
According to Brown, children’s birthday parties helps kids build stronger friendships outside of school.
The mom is heartened by some of the TikTok comments.
“Dozens of parents said they threw a party and no one showed up for their kid — it’s so hard as a parent,” says Brown. “Kids will go through disappointment and we shouldn’t shield them from that.”
At the same time, says Brown, birthday parties are “core memories” for kids.
Brown knows that her children will eventually prefer certain classmates over others.
While Brown says she wouldn’t make her kids go to the birthday party of a peer they dislike, “I would ask them why they don’t want to go” and problem-solve from there.
Until then, says Brown, “I want my kids to show up for people and for others to always feel loved by us.”
If a classmate doesn’t reciprocate and invite Brown’s child to their birthday party? “At least we showed up,” says Brown.
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