It starts off small. Maybe you promise an extra 15 minutes of tablet time if your kid finishes their veggies. Or you hold the TV remote hostage until all the toys are picked up. Before long, screen time becomes the ultimate currency in parenting. Sound familiar? You’re not alone.
A recent report by Bright Horizons found that 55% of parents use technology as a bargaining chip to get their children to do things like chores or homework. Fifty-eight percent of parents use technology as a parenting tool to keep their children quiet while shopping or in a restaurant.
As screens become more intertwined with daily life, it’s worth asking: is this strategy helping us, or could it be creating more problems than it solves?
How Using Screen Time to Control Behavior Can Impact Kids
Sanam Hafeez PsyD, New York City-based neuropsychologist director of Comprehend the Mind, explains that when screen time turns into the go-to reward for good behavior or the main method for emotional relief, it can establish harmful routines.
“Digital rewards for tasks may prevent children from learning internal coping strategies and cause reward expectations for every action,” she says. “Extended exposure to screens as a reward system may eventually impair their capacity to wait for rewards, handle frustration, and enjoy activities that don’t involve screens.”
Dr. Hafeez adds that the use of screen time to control children’s behavior, such as reducing tantrums or rewarding good performance, teaches them to link screen usage with emotional control and seeking approval from outside sources.
“Digital devices become essential to their emotional well-being as children develop dependencies for comfort and validation through screen time. The regular use of screens as behavioral management tools may disrupt children’s development of patience and their ability to tolerate boredom, while also undermining their acquisition of healthy coping mechanisms.”
Helen Egger, MD, co-founder and chief scientific and medical officer of Little Otter, shares similar concerns, saying it’s less about the occasional use and more about the pattern that emerges. “When screen time becomes the go-to strategy for navigating every challenge—the primary bargaining chip, the constant distraction, the expected reward—that’s when we start to see potential impacts on a child’s emotional growth.”
She continues by explaining how children learn to understand and manage their feelings through experience and guidance. “If screens are consistently used to bypass those feelings—to distract from sadness, to reward good behavior instead of intrinsic satisfaction—they might miss out on developing those crucial internal coping mechanisms. They might also learn that screens are the primary source of pleasure or the only way to avoid discomfort.”
Similar to any reward system used to manage behavior, Dr. Egger says parents can cause children to unintentionally assigning a high emotional value to screen time, which leads to dependence.
How Screen Time Incentives Can Impact a Parent’s Effectiveness With Their Child
Gilly Kahn PhD, a psychologist based in Atlanta, warns that when parents use screen time as a literal bargaining chip—wherein it becomes part of a punishment or a “bribe”—that’s when the parent-child relationship can be affected negatively.
“For example, if a child refuses to comply with a parent’s command and the parent says, ‘Fine. If you clean your room, you’ll get another hour of video game time,’ that would be an ineffective way to implement electronics as a tool,” she says.
She explains how this approach is reactive, and may send the message that as long as a task is complete—even if it’s delayed or first met with complaints—a reward will still come.
“Being reactive rather than proactive in reward and punishment can also lead to a power-struggle within the parent-child relationship,” Dr. Kahn stresses.
Dr. Hafeez agrees, adding that the dynamic can shift from meaningful connection to power-based control, when parents use screen time to manage behavior.
“Children may begin to see their parents primarily as gatekeepers of fun activities instead of emotionally supportive figures,” she warns. “The use of digital solutions undermines the development of effective communication and trust, [and] time goes on, children increasingly use screens as their comfort source instead of seeking support from their parents.”
Moderation and Motivation Should Be the Biggest Incentives
So, is there ever an appropriate use of this tactic? According to Dr. Hafeez, the effectiveness of using screen time as a bargaining tool or reward depends on the regularity and strategy of its implementation.
“Screens serve as effective motivators since allowing children screen time after they finish homework or chores encourages them to develop self-discipline and learn structured routines,” she says. “Screens can serve as a practical method to soothe children during stressful situations, such as long car rides or waiting room stays, when used moderately.”
Similarly, Dr. Kahn cautions against overdoing it. But she does say it’s okay to use screen time as a predetermined reward for the completion of a desired task.
“In that case, it isn’t so much a ‘bargaining chip.’ It is a reward for following through on boring or undesirable or strenuous activities (anything the child absolutely doesn’t want to do or significantly struggles with completing),” she notes.
Regarding using screen time as a distraction, Dr. Kahn also leans more towards it being okay within reason, saying strategic use can provide a balance for when parents need assistance, while making sure children don’t create expectations around the screen.
Ultimately, she says if electronics-time is discussed as an intentional reward, and the parameters around its use are very clearly delineated with the child, there are no surprises. Screen time can be a motivator for the child to learn how to incentivize themselves and actually become productive.
“Even adults work for rewards,” Dr. Kahn notes. “If we didn’t get paid, we may not show up consistently for our jobs. And even adults reward themselves with a Netflix series while juggling jobs, families, and personal hobbies. There is nothing wrong with being intentional about allowing limited electronics-time as a reward.”
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