There are certain connections in life that just feel meant to be. Whether it’s the romantic partner you instantly clicked with, or a new friend that you feel like you’ve known your whole life, your connection seems so strong that there must be something physically tying the two of you together. Well, now thousands of TikToks have put a name to that feeling: invisible string theory.
Basically, it’s the idea that you and your soulmate are “connected through an invisible string or a thread” and it’s “written in the universe” that you’ll be together one day, says Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist, relationship scientist, and founder of Embracing Change Marriage and Family Therapy. But that doesn’t necessarily mean these two people will follow the same path in life. Throughout a platonic or romantic relationship, they may come together and pull away over many years; but they’ll always inexplicably reconnect—as if there’s an unbreakable string that transcends time, distance, and geography, says Erin K. Engle, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist at NewYork-Presbyterian/Columbia University Irving Medical Center.
Not only is the term trending on TikTok, but it’s also popped up in pop culture in recent years—namely in Taylor Swift’s song “invisible string,” the 2023 Oscar-nominated film Past Lives, and most recently, Elphaba and Glinda’s friendship in Wicked. (Just think about the lyrics of “For Good”—it’s basically a musical dissertation on invisible string theory.) The same idea is explained in East Asian folklore’s red string theory—that your one true love is tied to you throughout your life, says Mystic Michaela, a fourth-generation psychic medium, host of the Know Your Aura podcast, and author of The Angel Numbers Book.
Even if you’re not super into TikTok trends, you should still pay attention to the invisible string theory because it can help you understand the deep connections people experience.
How Invisible String Theory Works
The key to this theory is the belief that this is relationship is not purely determined by choice, but fate. “You’re inexplicably connected with this person” throughout your life, says Michaela. “It’s the idea that the universe itself is stitched together with unseen threads all leading us to our destinies, whether we want them to or not.” And yes, this theory does suggest that there’s just *one* perfect match out there for everyone romantically.
However, the best part about invisible string theory—in my opinion—is that it doesn’t just apply to your love life. In fact, you can think of it in terms of career moves, friends, or other ways you’re supposed to find your life’s purpose, says Michaela. It can even help you understand “why people come into your life in ways that don’t always make logical sense, but that usually give some sort of greater fulfillment, purpose, and meaning,” Engle adds.
Real-Life Examples Of Invisible String Theory
Michaela’s seen the theory unfold in her own life: She has two good friends who met through being moms in the same neighborhood, and they help raise their kids together. Basically, these two are closer than your average friends—they’re more like sisters. One day, they found out they were actually related as cousins through DNA test results. “If they hadn’t found each other one way, they would’ve found each other another way,” Michaela says. It was just meant to be.
Another example is from a creator on TikTok, who took a photo with her friends at a concert in 2016 where a random stranger is photobombing. Now, they’re dating:
Remember that viral story about the couple that discovered the husband was in the background of the wife’s childhood photos from Disney, decades before they’d met? You got it: invisible string theory.
The Pros And Cons Of Invisible String Theory
As with any theoretical concept, applying it to real life comes with pros and cons.
Let’s start with the pros: To state the obvious, dating can be…not the most fun all the time. However, invisible string theory can help take some of the pressure off. “If you just believe in the universe kind of sorting it all out, you might have more fun with the process,” says Cohen. For instance, instead of desperately trying to make a relationship work with someone who’s not a match, this theory can encourage you to end things amicably and move on quickly because you know you’ll eventually meet whoever you’re meant to be with.
Dating can also be lonely, says Engle, but the idea that everyone is already connected to someone in a way that’s predetermined can help you feel less alone.
Of course, no theory is perfect. Invisible string theory relies on the idea that everyone has only one person who they’re meant to be with, so it may frequently have you questioning whether your current partner is really the one you’re tied to with the invisible string, Cohen says. Plus, the one-person-only part of this theory negates the very real and valid existence of polyamorous people and their relationships, which… not cool.
If you are monogamous, this theory can also potentially stop you from working through normal challenges with your partner, like divvying household chores or sharing finances, and you might end the relationship prematurely, thinking there’s someone out there better for you, she adds. Even if you’re sure you and your S.O. are bound by invisible string, no relationship is perfect, so you’re bound to have disagreements from time to time.
Another word of caution: The invisible string theory is essentially a romanticized view of dating that “infuses some of that magic into relationships,” says Cohen. So, while it can help you feel less alone when singledom kinda-sorta sucks, you should still “maintain your autonomy,” rather than rely on this theory “as a driver of all decision making,” she cautions. Basically, don’t forgo the fulfilling relationship in favor of the fairytale story—and vice versa.
How To Apply The Invisible String Theory To Your Life
Here’s the good news—or bad news, depending on how you look at it—you can’t really do anything to enact the invisible string theory, like manifesting or using the law of the attraction. Because it’s up to fate, the string is already in place in your life. If you’re thinking about this theory in terms of meeting your partner, “you are already tied to that person, so you are going to meet them one way or another,” Cohen says.
That said, it can be useful to implement this theory as part of cultivating a positive mindset toward relationships, says Cohen. Here are some guidelines to follow:
1. Maintain realistic relationship expectations.
It’s best to balance out invisible string theory with a healthy dose of realism. You can trust the process and trust yourself that things will work out they way they’re supposed to, but you still need to be logical and put on your critical thinking cap when it comes to dating, says Cohen.
For instance, check in with your emotions right after a date to understand how you’re feeling. Maybe you didn’t click with someone right away on the first date, but instead of writing them off (you would never have a bad first date with your soulmate, right?), you give them another shot to see if your feelings change once you’ve become a bit more emotionally intimate, Cohen says. “It takes time to really assess what the relationship is like and if this is a relationship for you.”
2. Prioritize your needs.
No, this doesn’t make you selfish—it simply means you have standards, and you’re not willing to sacrifice them in pursuit of an invisible string theory relationship.
“If we think about just accepting people that do come into our lives, there might be the risk of assuming that that person is right without really having them meet certain standards that are important for a healthy relationship,” Engle says.
For example, the guy at the bar who wandered in off the street might not be your person just because he made a beeline to you when you made eye contact. Yes, you may feel an instant connection, but it’s still important to consider whether this person possesses the qualities you need (and want) in a long-term partner, such as emotional availability or shared life values.
3. Be open to opportunities for growth.
While you can’t do anything to make the invisible string work its magic faster, you can “keep an open mind, stay aware, and be cognizant of the people coming in and out of your life,” says Engle. And if there are any coincidences that might seem bigger than random chance—maybe you see the cute barista you’ve been crushing on at a concert for your favorite band—take a mental note.
“There isn’t really anything someone can do other than utilize the framework as a way to understand that, through timing and trust of the universe, that cosmic connection or deep relationship will be brought in at the right time,” Engle says.
And if you think the universe is throwing a particularly hard punch at you—maybe you went on a really bad date that you won’t forget for a while—just try to roll with it. “Take in the lessons instead of fight[ing] the lessons,” Michaela says. That way, “it’s easier for the universe to push you through its natural currents so it can bring you to the [place] you’re meant to land upon.”
Ultimately, invisible string theory is just a fun way to look at your relationships in life, even if there’s no real science behind it. “Whether it’s legit or not, just like any sort of human belief or experience, it’s important to those who do believe in it, who find hope and meaning in a theory like this,” Engle says. “In mental health and thinking about general resilience, a hopeful stance is one of the most important ingredients.”
After all, to quote Taylor Swift, “Isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?”
Meet the Experts: Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist and relationship scientist and the founder of Embracing Change Marriage and Family Therapy. Mystic Michaela is a fourth-generation psychic medium, host of the Know Your Aura podcast, and author of The Angel Numbers Book, based in Boynton Beach, Florida. Erin K. Engle, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist at NewYork-Presbyterian/Columbia University Irving Medical Center.
Addison Aloian is the associate health & fitness editor at Women’s Health, where she writes and edits across the health, weight loss, and fitness verticals. She’s also a certified personal trainer through the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM). In her free time, you can find her lifting weights at the gym, running on the West Side Highway in New York City—she recently completed her first half-marathon—and watching (and critiquing!) the latest movies that have garnered Oscars buzz. In addition to Women’s Health, her work has also appeared in Allure, StyleCaster, L’Officiel USA, V Magazine, VMAN, and more.
Cori Ritchey, C.S.C.S., is an Associate Health & Fitness Editor at Men’s Health, a certified strength and condition coach, and group fitness instructor. She reports on topics regarding health, nutrition, mental health, fitness, sex, and relationships. You can find more of her work in HealthCentral, Livestrong, Self, and others.
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