The Woman Who Racked Up $30K in Debt After a Breakup

When I was 32, I called off my engagement to a guy I’d been living with, then moved into an apartment by myself. The new apartment was in a trendy building in a trendy area, and there were a lot of young, single people living there and going out and partying. I wanted to fit in and date, so I started buying cute clothes and got caught up in this lifestyle of traveling and doing things I couldn’t afford on my $65,000 salary as an executive assistant.

When I lived in a dual-income household, it was never a big issue to pay my bills. I even had a couple thousand dollars in savings. But I didn’t realize how expensive it would be to move out on my own. I blew through most of my savings within the first month. I bought some new furniture from Ikea, and my rent was about $1,200, which was a lot more than the $700 I was paying when I lived with my boyfriend. But at the time, I wasn’t that worried about it. I felt like I deserved to live it up — I was making up for lost time, in a way. I had spent over five years in a not so great relationship, always doubting myself and feeling held back. So I wanted to spread my wings. I would put things on credit cards and think, Oh, I’ll pay that off later. But then I couldn’t. And I just couldn’t stop. I loved going out to lunch and having brunch on weekends and going shopping with friends. And by the time I was ready to figure it out, about five years later, I had about $32,000 in revolving debt spread across 12 credit cards.

I considered filing for bankruptcy. I just didn’t know what else to do. I told a friend what was happening and how much debt I had, and she was like, “You can do this. Go get a better job. You can support yourself. I know you can do this.”

At that point, in 2017, I had pretty much outgrown the party scene. I decided to move out of my trendy apartment and into a small house in a much more affordable area, and I took a hard look at my lifestyle. I also took a look at my job situation. I had been at this dead-end job for about 12 years, and I realized I was worth more.

I was so motivated and dedicated to changing my life that I started networking with everyone I knew. I went to corporate events and followed up with people. This one company gave me an interview for a sales role even though I wasn’t qualified. Instead, they offered me a market-development role, which is basically cold-calling and emailing people and companies all day, trying to get meetings for the actual sales reps. It was an absolute grind, but the first year I made $10K more than I ever had at my previous job. Within two years, I went from making $65K to $110K and then the next year I made $140K. So by going after it, I was able to double my salary within a couple of years. My base pay now is $93K, and I get sales commissions on top of that, usually a couple thousand dollars a quarter.

I also took a hard look at my spending and made a plan. I took out an Upstart loan, which allows you to consolidate debt, and that helped. I moved other debt over to 0 percent interest credit cards. Despite all my debt, my credit score wasn’t that bad. I was basically a credit-card company’s dream in that I never went delinquent but I was paying a ton in interest.

Cutting back on my lifestyle was really hard. A big part of it was coming to terms with how fake it all was. I posted all these pictures of fancy trips I took and cute clothes I wore, but I was drowning in debt and couldn’t sleep at night. The process was almost like Alcoholics Anonymous — I had to take it one day at a time. I’d want to go out to lunch or buy this thing, and it would take everything to stop myself. What often helped was taking the same amount of money that thing I wanted would cost and then putting it immediately toward my debt. So rather than buy a pair of shoes for $100, I would make a $100 payment instead. And that would feel so much better.

I also stopped following influencers and social-media accounts that made me want to shop, like most celebrities or people who have those link-to-buy features in their photos — I just had to unfollow them. I literally searched terms like debt-free and zero debt and no-spend challenge and started following the accounts that came up. It was helpful to see people online who weren’t shopping and were happy. Their lives still looked great.

I definitely wasn’t perfect. I would think, Oh, it’s been months — I deserve something. And I would either buy something small or reward myself in a way that didn’t involve spending. Sometimes, I did slip up and buy something, but I would usually just take it right back the next day. I tried not to beat myself up about it and just move on. I knew it couldn’t be all or nothing.

At first, I was putting between $500 and $1,000 toward my debt every month. Then, as my salary increased, I was putting over $1,000 toward it consistently. My rent was pretty cheap, and my car payment was low. Still, it took about five years. During that time, I met my now-husband and we got married. And just as I was paying off the last of my debt in 2021, I had a daughter.

The day I paid it off, I cried. It makes me want to cry right now just thinking about how proud I was of myself. I didn’t tell many people what I was doing. I’ve always had to figure out things on my own. My mom passed when I was young, and my stepdad did the best he could to raise me but I moved away as soon as possible. I’ve had to learn a lot of things through trial and error, and credit-card debt was definitely one of them. Now, I feel like I know how to handle my money. My husband and I keep our accounts separate, but we are both very aware of each other’s finances. Now, I’m helping him pay off about $15K he spent on some stuff for our house.

It’s still hard sometimes. I feel like a late bloomer, always a couple of years behind. Most people have their wild years in their 20s, and mine were in my 30s. My peers were on their second or third kid when I had my first. Now, my husband and I are working on our retirement savings. We’re a little late on that because we are both spenders, but we help check each other. Especially now that we have a daughter, we talk regularly about money and spending. We make a decent living between the two of us, over $200K. Still, between day care and medical expenses, things can get out of hand. To have experienced debt and that feeling of not being able to afford your life — it’s such a relief to live honestly now. I see other people with beautiful homes, taking fancy trips, and I just think, Good for them. I’m glad they have that great house. I have no idea how much debt they’re in.