These Are the Pro Barbecue Tips That Dads Pass Down to Their Kids

Barbecue is a craft of lineage, best learned by hand, often the weathered hands and wisdom of the previous generation. This Father’s Day, top pitmasters and dads across the Carolinas reveal the barbecue secrets they pass down to their own children.

“Fatherhood is all about teaching and inspiring,” says Christopher Prieto of Prime Barbecue. “And I really think dad doesn’t understand the opportunity he has with his children behind the grill.” 

Barbecuing, be it professionally or casually for some communal pig-pickin’, shows children a path of passion and purpose, Prieto says. Patience, hard work, and emotional intelligence are built into barbecue’s framework. And the process, from prep to plate, sharpens those qualities.

More than the inner world of grit that barbecue fosters, the understimulation of a long, slow cook creates grounds for connection between parents and children.

“All kids are excited about is spending time with their parents,” Prieto says. They just want to hang out, to receive approval. “That’s what we yearn for as children… to see me, love me, value me,” he says.

Knowing this, Prieto grills out each Sunday with his kids, each of them a part of the cooking process. At times, Prieto — in parenting mode, not barbecue-competition mode — lets the meat burn, lets the kids put cinnamon on steak, all the while knowing that cinnamon and steak don’t bode well together.

“Who cares if everything burns? It’s just that opportunity of spending time outside and crafting a meal together, using all the steps of cooking as it relates to life,” he says. Encouraging experimentation and imagination beside the grill — beside his kids — has “been the most rewarding tool in my arsenal of fatherhood to connect with my children,” he says.

So, when the inevitable child’s question arrives: “How do I become like you when I grow up?” Here are the exact tips Prieto and fellow barbecue experts share.

Foundation first, style second

“I teach them from the foundation up,” Prieto says. “As we become better in the craft, then you start to add the nuances of your style.”

Foundation includes the thermodynamics, grill usage, and the quality of meat being used, according to Jon Garren Kirkman of Jon G’s. Better meat — in his case, humanely treated meat with no antibiotics or steroids — creates better end results.

Once a basic understanding of safety and technique is in place, then the seasoning, salt, pepper, and personality come into the picture, Prieto says. When that time comes, be adventurous and find solace in the fact that there isn’t one way for barbecue to exist. “It’s not going to be your great grandpa’s barbecue, and it’s cool that we’re moving in that direction,” Kirkman says.

In fact, Kirkman and Prieto both credit their success to their boundary-breaking experimentation, as Kirkman serves up Texas barbecue in the heart of North Carolina and Prieto blends Puerto Rican influences with Texas technique.

Start with the right tools

John Lewis of Lewis Barbecue believes one of the most important steps in crafting exceptional barbecue is to have the right tools. That’s what his own father told him.

A consistent smoker, like PK Grills, is a great start. Of course, it’s not just acquiring the tools, but understanding how the specific tool works.

Other recommended tools include: a chef’s knife, a boning knife, and a serrated knife to trim and cut ribs and brisket. Tay Nelson at Bobby’s BBQ in Fountain Inn, South Carolina, would give his son a durable, budget-friendly ThermoWorks Thermapen meat thermometer. “I keep one in my truck, no lie,” he says.

Also, clean your tools.

Fire, fire, fire

“When we train pitmasters, the first important things in the pit room are fire, fire, fire,” Nelson says. If Nelson’s 8-year-old son came to him, cautious and curious about fire, he’d say keep the temperature steady, control it, minimize peaks and valleys.

The fire’s steadiness is influenced by several factors, one being the weather. A tip: The quickest cooking day is hot, humid and the longest cooking conditions are windy, rain, and chill.

While Kirkman over at Jon G’s knows the importance of a steady fire, he also welcomes a somewhat transgressionary approach to cooking meat. “You can kind of break the rules a little bit and just respond to the individual meat,” he says. “He intimately knows the 225-low-and-slow philosophy. He trusts it. But, he suggests getting more individualized with the meat, altering the cooks between pork butt or brisket, noting how they respond differently to temperature.

“We’re cooking to a tenderness, not a temperature,” Prieto says. “It’s really important we understand and give reverence to what we’re cooking.”

Tinker like it’s a science experiment

Like any science experiment, barbecue finesse requires trial and error. “You gotta look at it as scientific every week,” Kirkman says. Factors like the wood’s moisture content, weather, and the specific animal all carry varying amounts of weight for the final product.

Lewis believes he inherited the “tinkering trait” from his father, learning to tweak the smokers to run optimally.

At Bobby’s BBQ, Nelson suggests only tinkering one or two things at a time, like the level of smoke or spice. He promises that the flashy, mesmerizing barbecue photos on Instagram are a product of lots of experimentation in the kitchen.

Write it all down

Mid-tinkering, write all those tiny changes down. Prieto and Nelson both urge the next generation to get a notebook, track the changes, and note what you like and dislike.

Tell your story

Rodney Scott reminds us that infusing smoke into meat is not quite enough to put out exemplary barbecue; instead, infuse a story. The second-generation pitmaster of Rodney Scott’s Whole Hog BBQ reminds his son to “tell your story with your barbecue, packed with tons of flavor and history. Enjoy every crackle of wood burning and new experiences while cooking.”

Be patient

Nelson talks about the barbecue process frankly: “For me personally, I love the beginning, I love the end, and I do the middle.” But, it’s that middle period of waiting, watching, smoking one piece of meat anywhere from 10 to 20 hours, where the grit-building and connection happens.

This middle is the ultimate teacher of patience, and Prieto says that patience is the number one requisite for good barbecue. “You need the patience to understand that every piece of meat is different.”

Listen to the people eating your food

Cooking and sharing barbecue has a bit of a call and response rhythm to it. “It’s one of the most critiqued cuisines ever because you’re going against people’s nostalgia of what they grew up with,” Kirkman says. While that’s intimidating, there’s also opportunity to listen and take constructive criticism.

Nelson believes involving regular customers’ feedback keeps the soul in barbecue, and to him, barbecue is a soul food. Knowing trends flitter in and out, his focus remains on “the people waiting in line… I don’t want to disappoint them. That’s what we lock in on,” he says.

And at the end of the day, while cooking meat over a live fire is historically a serious, precious technique, it actually “ain’t that serious,” Nelson says. “It’s all about who’s around the table and what’s on the table.”