How To Raise Confident Kids, According to a Clinical Psychologist

1. Praise Effort, Not Just Results 

When your child accomplishes something, go beyond the patent “Good job!” response and make it a point to recognize how they got there. Not every endeavor will result in success but that old notion of ‘A for effort’ is nothing to scoff at. In fact, it’s a powerful way to instill confidence in your child and keep them pursuing goals with their head held high. 

2. Let Them Make Choices 

Anxiously hovering over your child and actively holding them back from making age-appropriate decisions (yep, we see you, helicopter parents) is a surefire way to shake their burgeoning confidence. If this is hard for you initially to adopt a new parenting style, it’s OK to start small, like by “allowing them to pick their own clothes and snacks, and letting them decide how to spend their free time,” says Dr. Cook. Ultimately, this shows your child that their voice matters and helps them build a sense of independence that they need to confidently trust their own judgment. 

3. Encourage Trying New Things 

“Confidence isn’t about being fearless; it’s about doing things despite fear,” explains Dr. Cook. What that means for you, the parent, is that you should “gently support them when they do something outside their comfort zone.” This can be something big (like trying out for the soccer team) or small (like trying a new food). And again, celebrate the effort and not just the outcome. 

4. Model Confident Behavior 

We discussed this already, but it bears repeating: practice what you preach.  Per the expert, “Kids learn a ton by watching. If you speak kindly about yourself, try new things, and recover from mistakes with grace, they’ll mirror that same self-trust.” 

5. Show Unconditional Love 

We all love our kids unconditionally, but sometimes this gets lost in translation—namely when we get hung up on things that don’t really matter all that much. For this reason, the expert emphasizes that “confidence grows when kids feel seen, supported, and loved no matter what.” The easiest way to do this is to find any and every opportunity to let them know you’re proud of who they are—not just what they do.