What It’s Like to Plan a $50,000 Party for a 5-Year-Old

Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photo: Getty Images

It’s not your imagination: Kids’ birthday parties are different these days. It used to be pizza and face painting; now it’s food trucks, DJs, and custom photo backdrops — for a 1-year-old. “There was a big surge in elaborate kids’ birthday parties right after COVID, because people wanted to get together to celebrate after not being able to,” says Lisa Cokinos, a planner who specializes in high-end children’s events. “But then, it never stopped. People see other kids’ parties on Instagram, and that makes them want to plan and share their kids’ parties, too.”

Of course, it takes a special touch — and a lot of patience — to cater to an 8-year-old with extremely rich parents. Here, three event planners who specialize in New York’s wealthiest kids share what it’s like to rent out suites at the Plaza, truck in a private carousel, and explain that fire dancers are a bad idea at a baby’s birthday party.

“Am I going to find you a little mini-throne on wheels to roll your child around in? I mean, sure, but it’ll be $2,500.”
— Lisa Cokinos, LC Events

Kids’ birthday parties are emotional for the parents. They want to please their kids, and they want to impress their kids’ friends. They want to invite everyone in their kids’ class and all their friends from camp. They want to be extremely inclusive and also extremely considerate. Like, oh, someone has a gluten allergy? Let’s have a whole separate table of food that’s gluten-free.

My background is in finance. I worked on Wall Street for years and then, when I had kids, I didn’t want to work those crazy hours anymore. But I still loved planning things. At first, I did event planning for a lot of nonprofits and entrepreneurs. Then I realized that I enjoy projects most when I have personal, long-term relationships with my clients. I want to do your wedding, and then your baby shower, and then your kids’ birthdays, and your mom’s 70th. And I’ve been lucky enough to do that with some of my clients, who keep hiring me back for events every year. That’s very meaningful to me.

My first experiences with planning kids’ birthday parties was, of course, for my own children. I have an older son and then I have twins. I would plan these big bashes with elaborate decorations and themes. I loved doing it. Then someone was like, “Oh, could you do my daughter’s sweet 16?” And I was like, “Yes!”

I have a lot of clients who are very short on time. They’re like, “I’m too busy. Here’s the theme and the guest list. Please take care of it.” Other people will be more hands-on and specific; they want the theme to be boho-chic safari, and they’ll send you an inspo board and the name of the bakery they want you to use.

To do this job, you have to be a really good listener and willing to indulge people, even if it’s ridiculous. Am I going to find you a little mini-throne on wheels to roll your child around in? I mean, sure, but it’ll be $2,500. Instagram is a blessing and a curse because a client will see something and say, “Why can’t I have that?” And I’ll say, “Oh, of course you can, for $12,000.” Sometimes parents are a little crazy. But I worked on Wall Street, so I know how to work with people who don’t like to hear no. Usually I don’t say no — I just explain how much something costs, and then if it’s not in the budget, I’ll suggest an alternative. Then again, I have said no to a few things. Like, we’re not having a fire dancer at a 1-year-old’s birthday party. That’s a no.

I’m certainly not desensitized to the amount of money that some people are willing to spend. I can’t tell if it’s this post-COVID era where people are just like, Screw it, I’m letting it all hang out, but when my kids were young, people certainly weren’t spending money on parties like this. So it’s not lost on me, ever.

These days, no one wants just a single theme — they want combinations. It’s never just a Taylor Swift theme; it’s Taylor Swift at Benihana, which is an actual party I just did. I like the combinations because I get to be creative. I just did a LoveShackFancy x Paw Patrol party, and I felt like a genius. The dad who hired me explained that he wanted both of those things, and I was like, “I don’t think they really go together, but we’ll make it work.” And it was great. We had the LoveShackFancy look, in terms of the backdrop and the tablescapes with flowers and candelabras and bows, but then we had Paw Patrol characters come and greet everyone and stand in front of the floral backdrop, and a Paw Patrol cake. It really came together.

When a kid walks in and sees their party, it’s literally the best feeling in the world. It still gets me every time. One child took my hand and led me through to show me everything. He was like, “Did you see this? Did you see that?” And I was like, “Yes, in fact, I made it. I’ve been here for hours setting it up for you.” And then the parents are so happy that their kid is so happy. I feel very thankful and lucky that my clients trust me the way they do.

Of course, if something goes wrong, it will always be my fault. I’ve never had a full-on disaster. I did have one parent make me remove a magician in the middle of his set because she was like, “I can’t listen to this guy anymore.” He was too annoying for her. I think her exact words were, “Get him off the fucking stage.” He wasn’t even my hire — they had wanted him. And I didn’t want to have a confrontation in front of everyone, so I had to come up with a reason to interrupt him and ask him to go in the other room. He was furious with me. He was like, “You’re ruining my entire show.” And I was like, “I know I am. Could we go to the other room, though?” That was probably my most uncomfortable situation.

I try to only do small parties — fewer than 50 people. Budgets usually start at $5,000 and go up from there. I think the most expensive kids’ party I ever did was around $45,000 or $50,000. The big-ticket items are the venue, the catering, the décor, the activities. And the activities have gotten more and more involved. I just had Prince Charming and Cinderella come and sing and do a crowning ceremony with the birthday girl. Having characters is fun, and the kids love it.

A trend I’m seeing is that people don’t want to do junky gift bags. At a party I recently did, they gave out Bergdorf bags filled with custom chocolates. Clients are also into kids making stuff to bring home, like Build-a-Bear or decorating hats or denim jackets that guests get to keep. I did a 10-year-old’s birthday party where everyone got to make their own fragrance and bring it home in a customized bottle. It’s gotten very elevated.

“There’s definitely an element of parents competing with each other. They’re like, ‘Oh, I want the same party as this other person, but even more impressive.’”
— Fatima Galarraga, Teepee in the City

I moved to New York about 14 years ago from Colombia. I was a stay-at-home parent for years, but when my kids got older, I wanted to start my own business. I got the idea to create Teepee in the City from something I saw on Instagram. I thought, “This is perfect for New York.” People love to do amazing parties here, especially for their kids, but they don’t have a ton of space. What I do is provide all the materials to set things up for a magical sleepover party, and then come back the next day and make it look like nothing ever happened.

In 2019, I started the business. I spent six months preparing and buying everything, and then the pandemic happened, and it all went into storage. Then, in September 2020 when things were starting to open up a little bit, a mom friend said, “Are you still doing the sleepover parties?” So I did a party for two kids with the teepees, and it was so beautiful.

The business really picked up in 2021. That year, I think I did 120 parties. People were going nuts because they wanted to make up for all that time they couldn’t see each other. It’s cooled off a little bit since then, but barely.

The sleepover party with teepees is our signature. We also do add-ons like spa services, special custom pajamas and robes, scrapbooking, tie-dyeing, and movie nights with a big screen. My sweet spot in terms of age is between 8 and 10 years old.

When a client hires me, I usually visit their space beforehand to make sure it will work. Sometimes parents will host it in a lounge or community area in their building. Other times, they will do it in a hotel. I’ve had clients rent a suite at the Plaza. Another client asked me to decorate an entire business floor of a hotel, like where they would normally host conferences. Everything had to look dreamy, and I bought something like 40 fluffy carpets. The whole space was completely transformed. A lot of my clients are not price-sensitive; I am careful to make sure we keep things cost-effective, but they want the best and they are happy to pay for it.

We own a number of different carpets, and we get them professionally cleaned after each party so that we can reuse them. But a lot of them need to be disposed of because they’re ruined. Kids stain them, or they get makeup or pizza or gum on them. In one case, someone’s dog peed on the carpet, so we had to throw it out.

Our prices start at $1,000 for three teepees, including setup and removal. Sometimes people don’t understand why it costs that much — they think it’s just some teepees and pillows — but it’s the dry cleaning, the preparation, the labor. And from there, the sky is the limit. The group of parents who tend to hire me, their kids are used to a lot of these things. Most of the kids are happy, but sometimes you see one who is like, “I just want to go to Sephora.”

Occasionally, people ask for discounts, and when they do, it usually means they’re not a good match for my services. This is a luxury. You don’t need this. There’s nothing necessary about having a fancy setup for your child to have a sleepover with her friends. I want every client to have the best experience and a lovely memory; I want things to be perfect. Last year, 60 percent of my contracts were with recurring clients.

There’s definitely an element of parents competing with each other. It’s like, “Oh, I want the same party as this other person, but even more impressive.” I also think that some parents are trying to compensate for the fact that they work all the time and they’re not around, so they want these parties to be extra special for their children.

I do not offer chaperones or people to stay at the party. But I do work with other contractors who will do kids’ manicures and hair. I’m very clear with my clients that we will not be cutting hair or doing gel manicures — we can do blow-drying and cute braids, nail polish and stickers. Nothing too crazy. But it can be hard to manage. Some of these kids are very demanding and it’s difficult to say no to them.

Sometimes, I’m not hired by parents — I’m hired by an event planner or a nanny or a house manager. If there’s a venue or a bat mitzvah, and then they’re doing a sleepover at the end, then sometimes you don’t even meet the clients. Once I was working for a celebrity, and I didn’t even find out until I got a check from them with their name on it.

The amounts that people will spend can be shocking. But it’s also part of the territory. When my daughter was very young, I had friends who were sending their older kids to summer camps that cost a thousand a week. And I was like, “Who in their right mind would spend that?” Then it became normal. Now we pay for soccer, and it’s a lot more than that. It’s just the market for kids’ stuff in New York City. But I’m very grateful that I get to make kids happy. Especially in New York, these kids grow up in adult spaces. They’re living in an adult world. And so it’s really magical to create a space just for them, for one special day.

“Someone once asked me to bring in a carousel, with enough horses for 15 kids, in pastel colors, and I found it — it was $15,000.”
— Michelle Shuey, the Effortless Affair

I spent a decade working in the operations department of a hedge fund. Then I got married, had kids, and moved to the suburbs, and I couldn’t work market hours and still see my kids the way I wanted to. Event planning seemed like a natural fit. I have a type A personality, but I’m also creative. I think my clients appreciate that I have a business background and can explain the numbers to them. And I’m used to working with high-net-worth individuals, which is the type of person who can afford my parties.

I have three kids under 8 years old, so I also understand all the pressures of parenting. We’re all trying to keep up with our friends. We’re all trying to give our kids the best that we possibly can. And we’re all dealing with stress from work, from grandparents, whatever. My business is to take things off your plate. Be a guest at your own party. Have somebody take care of all the details so you get to just hang out with your friends and enjoy the moment.

What I especially love about kids’ parties is that you get to think outside the box. I love colors and wow moments that are unexpected. You don’t really get to do that as much with weddings or corporate events. And there is no more enthusiastic appreciation than a 5-year-old walking into an amazing party.

I can make anything happen as long as you’re willing to pay for it. Everything has a price. Someone asked me to bring in a carousel once, for 15 kids, in pastel colors, and I found it — it was $15,000. I’ve done really cool carnival parties, or obstacle courses, and kids love them.

I recently did a kids’ birthday party in this giant ballroom. There were floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked a beautiful pond with swans, but my client wanted to have a glow party, so we blacked out all the windows to make the whole ballroom completely dark. Then we brought in all these glow elements — LED robots, LED foosball, glow sticks. It was really cool.

For another party, the client had twins, and she had this huge beautiful home in New Jersey. They were about to do an enormous renovation, so she was like, “You have free rein of the interior. We’re demolishing it all next weekend.” We did an amazing slumber party for the girl, and decorated the walls with backdrops and brought in a vendor for party food. And then the next day, we turned it around and did a huge Nerf course for her son. It was so fun.

Generally, people who are hiring me are spending about $20,000 on their party. But some parties are closer to $100,000. I have a wonderful client who hires me every year, and she asked me to do a Harry Potter–themed party. We did a tent decorated like Hogwarts, with wrought-iron chandeliers and banquet tables and everything. It was about $50,000. The budgets do blow my mind sometimes. I’m always game for whatever people want, but I wasn’t raised this way. I’m from a small town outside of Pennsylvania, and I wasn’t exposed to any of this growing up. It’s just the strange niche I find myself in now.

The big reveal, when a kid gets to see the party, is a total high. They either get these huge smiles, or they totally freeze. It just feels so good.

I will say that there are some difficult clients. But not as many as you would expect. Once you get to the higher-income threshold, if a client trusts you, they really want to be hands-off. They’ve hired you and they expect you to deliver. That said, there are some people who want to micromanage, and I find that pretty difficult. It’s also hard when people try to cut corners. When I was first getting started, I had a client who wanted to do an FAO Schwarz–themed birthday. We got a beautiful backdrop, and I was doing these toy-themed centerpieces. She got all these toys from FAO Schwarz, but then she was like, “Save the boxes. I want to return the toys afterwards.” And I was like, Ooh, I don’t like this. But I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to do.

More and more event planners are getting into the kids’-party space these days. I think I have a good niche because I’ve been doing it for a while. That said, it is very boom-and-bust-dependent. When people are feeling good, like right after COVID, we were going gangbusters. People were happy to spend. But we’re the first to feel it when people pull back.

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