Would You Rather Buy an Artemis LED Mask or Hermès Plates?

.
$1,950

La Prairie’s Life Matrix Haute Rejuvenation Cream

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Or …

Season tickets to see the New York Liberty.

.
$8,400

A year’s worth of 1.5-mg. doses of Ozempic

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Or …

33 out-of-network CBT therapy sessions to process body shame.

.
$3,500

An Artemis LED mask and neck plate that blasts 1,080 LED lights on your face

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Or …

Seven Hermès tart plates.

.
$5,880

A dozen lymphatic-drainage massages with Hailey Bieber’s masseuse Flávia Lanini

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Or …

A Toto Neorest toilet with an integrated smart bidet and heated seat.

.
$75,000

A smile of 15 custom veneers, by Dr. Michael Apa, focused on achieving “facial harmony”

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Or …

A private concert with Ally Brooke, formerly of Fifth Harmony.

.
$750

A salmon DNA microneedling facial with Dr. Usha Rajagopal

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Or …

53 pounds of Trader Joe’s wild sockeye salmon.

.
$2,075

MBR Liquid Surgery Serum to “stimulate the conversion of oxygen” in your cells

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Or …

Actual surgery. Ditch your contacts and get Lasik on one eye (Miranda’s goggles not included).

.
$1,215

A Nefertiti neck-lift, by Dr. Dendy Engelman, where up to 45 units of Botox are injected into your neck and jaw

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Or …

Tiffany & Co.’s T Smile pendant necklace in 18-karat yellow gold.

.
$2,695

A LYMA Laser starter kit that uses low-level-light therapy to regenerate skin cells

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Or …

A 53-person laser-tag party at Area 53 in Dumbo.

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