Dear Annie: I’ve been married for over 20 years, and my husband has always handled our finances. I trusted him to take care of everything, but recently, I’ve started to feel uneasy. When I ask about our savings, bills or retirement plans, he either brushes me off or gives vague answers. I don’t know if he’s hiding something or if he just doesn’t think I need to know.
I don’t want to accuse him of anything, but I also don’t want to be in the dark about our financial situation. What if something happens to him? How do I bring this up without starting a fight or making him feel like I don’t trust him? — Feeling Left Out in Finances
Dear Feeling Left Out: It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling uneasy. Marriage is a partnership, and that includes finances. You’re not wrong to want to know where you stand, and your husband shouldn’t see that as a challenge; it’s simply good sense.
The best way to approach this is with warmth, not accusation. Pick a calm moment and say something like, “I’d really like us to go over our finances together so I can feel more secure about our future. Can we sit down and review everything?” This keeps the conversation from feeling like an interrogation and instead frames it as teamwork.
If he brushes you off, gently but firmly remind him that as his wife, you need to be informed. If something were to happen to him, would you even know where to begin? A responsible marriage means ensuring both partners have access to important financial details.
If he continues to resist, there may be a deeper issue — whether it’s discomfort discussing money, financial mismanagement or something he’s afraid to reveal. In that case, it might help to bring in a neutral third party, like a financial adviser, to make sure everything is in order.
This isn’t about trust; it’s about security. Every spouse deserves financial transparency, and you have every right to feel informed and prepared.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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