Miss Manners: My clueless son allows his ill-mannered kids to carry food and drinks through my house

MISS MANNERS by Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and his family live four hours away, and visit often with our two grandchildren. One rule I have is no food or drinks in the living room or bedrooms. Growing up, we were never allowed to have food anywhere but on a table.

Their family are big fans of a certain coffee business, and during a recent visit, drinks from this business were brought into their bedroom. The younger child, who is sometimes silly and constantly jumping around, caused a spill on the carpet.

I had his sister and him clean up the mess. I ended up feeling stressed, angry and guilty. My son, on the other hand, just worried that his money and drinks were wasted.

It is a constant struggle when they visit, because the parents allow food and drinks in their rooms at home. They feel that my not allowing this is valuing my furniture over the kids’ comfort. These kids also make their mom sleep on a cot while they take the guest bed. The mom goes along with it and never complains. Am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: Your son cannot have his coffee and his jumping kids, too. If he does not want to waste things, he should have an interest in keeping food and beverages safely at the dining table. You might point out this discrepancy.

But while Miss Manners generally agrees that guests’ comfort takes precedence over rugs and furniture, she has her limits, and they usually apply to children. Just because they want to jump on the furniture and throw things in the house does not mean it should be allowed. A reiteration of that, and your other house rules, is reasonable and warranted.

As for the displacement of your daughter-in-law, that might better be left to their family. You could try saying loudly, “Margo, wouldn’t you prefer to sleep on the bed? I’m sure the kids won’t mind the cot. It will be like sleepaway camp.”

Incidentally, they may soon find out that sleepaway camp has so many rules, they’ll long for the simpler ones at Grandma’s house.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.